If you’ve searched for an apartment in NYC before, you’re probably familiar with the wily word-wizards that are behind some common listings. Unscrupulous agents can make some downright unappealing properties seem attractive with the listing saying one thing but meaning another.
At Triplemint, we tell it like it is. Our agents are not rewarded for the turnover rate but for customer satisfaction. We work to get you, the client, the perfect home. We want to help you navigate through your NYC apartment search by providing our translations to some sneaky real estate euphemisms.
“This charming property is perfect for a busy professional…”
What it actually means: I hope you like sucking in your stomach to slide between your coffee table and couch because this property makes Harry Potter’s broom closet look like a lavish palace.
“The property features an eat-in kitchen that frees up more living space for renters.”
What it actually means: You know what makes a great alternative to a kitchen table where you can enjoy your dinner like a normal human being? Balancing on a wobbly stool with your knees tucked into your chest using your lap as a plate to shovel take-out into your mouth. You’re going to get intimately acclimated with eating PB&Js standing in the kitchen corner at this space.
“This sprawling UES penthouse features views of the East River and close proximity to a wide array of restaurants and bars…”
What it actually means: Nobody clearly defined the parameters of ‘penthouse’ per se, so for all intents and purposes if you’re in a top-floor walk-up then congratulations, you’re the proud new tenant of a luxurious penthouse! Fear not, though. There are tons of Chinese food restaurants in the area in case you need to carb up for your arduous journey upstairs. Think about how toned your calves are going to be by the time summer rolls around.
“Trouble with your NYC apartment search? Rent this quiet, cozy studio in Astoria before it’s off the market…”
What it actually means: This microscopic studio is filled with white tile and fluorescent halogen lights in the “kitchen” to offset the fact that it gets very little natural light (and you can throw a paper airplane from the furthest corners of your space). It’s tiny and dark. You know that room those two guys are trapped in at the beginning of the “Saw”? This space is giving us strong vibes…